Monday, October 20, 2008

confusing symptoms and rambling thoughts/worries

So.... Today has been somewhat confusing with Yale for me. I'm getting more and more confused with him lately... he's blue. which is never a good sign....but I can't tell if he is "more" blue, or if I'm just worrying. *sigh* Then he was weighted today and he is gaining about an ounce a day... which is concerning...but is it because I've given in to fortifying his formula and he isn't wasting energy bottling so much....now I don't pressure him to bottle... if he doesn't want to drink...I put it in his tube. The most concerning thing that happened was that as he was drinking his last bottle...I picked him up and he was sweaty....but he just woke up and he had a polar fleece blanket on him...and the heat is on... GRR....
So really there are no answers and I just wish Liz was around so that I could just have her evaluate him and tell me one way or the other. I mean... I know he's not doing the greatest...heart-wise... so what signs should I really pay attention to? He was blue when they discharged him from Sick Kids... he wasn't eating the best when they discharged him...their concerns we whether he was gaining or not...
All I want to know is what are his sats? his breathing is still anywhere from 29-50 given his activity level...or if he is asleep.... his mood is better than it was yesterday...but he's not like he was when I was home... Man I just wish I could get a break from the constant worry....I wish my mind could be put at ease.... and I guess the answer is easy...take him into emerge... but I really don't want to sit there for hours if he is just fine... I want the quick and easy sat probe and quick listen I could get at peads cardio... uh...why oh why did Dr Buffo not sign for me to get a home O2 monitor? Then I'd have my answer right there... Huh... I think I am going to call tomorrow to Sick Kids and see about getting one :)
LOL...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Tanna:

I don't have any great words of advice to give you on how to get through this. But all the emotions and thoughts you are having are so familiar to me. All us heart mothers go through these struggles, analyzing every breath our children take and doubting our instincts. Wondering why we were chosen for this journey. We just do the best we can and are thankful for every moment we have with our beautiful children. Just know that you're not alone and always go with your instincts, because they are usually right.

Joanna Mitchell
Mom to Ryley, heart transplant
From the CHD Awareness FB group

Heather said...

can you take him to his paediatrician for a quick check? i can always get asher in that day, usually right away, and she'll check his sats, give him a quick once-over and the call cardio. then i'm not wasting time in emerg, not to mention exposing asher to all those bugs and viruses, and making needless trips to london. just a thought...

Anonymous said...

Tanna, I am always thinking of both Yale and you. Trust your insincts on this. You are a great Mom and Yale is a great little guy. Thanks for keeping us updated. Tanya