just a question..

Anyone ever had their heart drop in the throws of a medical emergency, but be totally out of the loop, and know that something REALLY bad is happening.... then you realize, wait a minute, that is my son in there... the emergency is invloving him? Then have to wait 20 minutes before anyone will even acknowledge you full on panic attack. People are running around, and won't make eye contact, and you know from you personal knowledge that this is really really bad?

Ya that just happened to me.

Now, I don't want to scare the bejeezes out of anyone. Yale is fine right now, safe and sound in the doctors hands. I do have faith in everything they do.... but let me just tell you what just happened. Yale is in a very fragile state. Like I said, its tricky business stenting parts of a heart that have been so freshly operated on. He's had issues maintaining O2 sats, and really has just been a pain. So here I am, sitting in the waiting room of the beautiful new cath lab they have here. Then it happens, that big bong. I hear this bong all the time here in Sick Kids. its means everyone stop and listen. Then I hear, "cardiac perfusionist, stat call to the cardiac cath lab" now, for those of you that don't know, a cardiac perfusionist is the person that runs the heart and lung machine. This is the machine that they put you on during open heart surgery so that you won't die. Now, Yale is the only person in the cath lab, last case a squeeze in case. So me putting two and two together FREAK THE HELL OUT!. Then to add fuel to my fire, I see every single cardiologist and fellow and anestesiologist RUN into the cath lab. Now I'm really REALLY freaking out! still no one thinks to say hey, the mom is right here balling, lets let her know whats going on. I call Tyler who is at work and very calmly trying to hide my own panic say. "stop working, get to your car and come here now. I'm not sure what is going on, but its not good" Needless to day this sent Tyler into a tailspin. Yale is supposed to be recovering, he knew we were in the cath lab, but we've been here 4 times before. Never with incident. So imagine thise feeling for a full 23 minutes. Then God felt like I needed a break and he sent Dr van Arsdell out to see me. He has a smile but is still avoiding eye contact. He then asks me how I'm doing and I say obviously, not very well. He starts to explain that they have one stent in place, and are going to put another. I say "so he's okay? I know what a cardiac perfusionist is..." and he say yeah. we had a minute there where he needed chest compressions, but we didn't need to intervene more than that, he doesn't need the additional support of the Ecmo, but everyone is there just in case.

So I have already begun to protect myself with my sense of humor and positive thinking. I think when things have settle and I have a real minute to think of this again I may just ball my eyes out. for now, I am strong. I have to be for Yale. and getting upset won't help me or him any.

Dr Van Arsdell just came to say that they have stented both PAs and his coronaries look good and his sats have already begun to rise. He has concern that there is a gradient in his aorta, they measure it anywhere from 7-20. He says right at this moment it isn't anything they want to go in and correct. It could be put off until his next surgery, or it could be addressed some time next week. But for now, he is heading in the right direction.

SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...pump up the prayers and good vibes... we really really need them today!