Thursday, January 17, 2008

new pictures

Hey folks... not too much to report today.

Yale is moving along on his feeds with his J-tube. He was at 15ml/hr when we left and will be well over the 20 he needs to get that damn line taken out of his neck.... FINALLY! Just before we left I had a small breakdown realizing I may never get to breastfeed him. Its like the end all be all of motherhood for me and something I want to do so bad... and to realize it may never come to be, really broke me down. I know I am very thankful that Yale is here with us, especially considering his rocky start, I am lucky to have him so stable. Its just something I'll have to come to terms with. I'm not giving up the good fight. I continue to pump like a maniac (I know breastmilk is best for him) and I have a small hope he might take to being orally fed. Those of you who are breastfeeding advocates say fight with all your might, and those of you that are mothers of children with feeding issues say I know how you feel. I'm torn between really mad I don't have my perfect dream of motherhood and yet REALLY thankful I have Yale at all.
Today was relatively uneventful. Yale had his drainage tube taken out so now he has nothing in his belly! WOOHOO! We're still not in 4D yet. I'm starting to think its some mystical place that they try to pump you up for.. LOL. if only I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I'd start to think all the nurses and Drs are just messing with me. That being said Dr Ben is starting to seem frustrated that we aren't upstairs yet. Yale is obviously not in need of critical care, but there is still no room for us. *shrug* I was content with my 24/7 nursing, but not I'm starting to get anxious about getting the hell out of that hospital and getting on with life before we have to turn around and come back for the next stage of surgery. I'm yearning to know what its like to just be at home being a mommy full time...
On that note. Yale is looking better and better everyday.... and here are pics to prove it taken just minutes ago... :) Enjoy my handsome prince! He sure has changed since his first days!

5 comments:

Jenaia said...

Very cute pictures! I felt the exact same way about breastfeeding. I had it set in my mind when I was pregnant that I would nurse Dominic for 2 years, because I knew it would give him the strong immune system he needed. But I wouldn't have been able to start until he was 6 and a half months old, by then I couldn't even get anything more when pumping. I want to have another child, partly so I will get the chance again. One positive thing is you don't have to worry about not forming a bond, because you definetly have a bond with your sick child, no matter what. You have been through so much together. I am so happy that he is doing so well.

Jenaia

Anonymous said...

awww Tanna. sorry about the breastfeeding or lack of. Keep pumping to give Yale those important immunities. You are a great Mommy :o) Take Care Tanya
(london mom)

Mommy said...

Tanna I feel so bad for you not being able to breastfeed Yale. It truly is a wonderful bond between mother and baby but not everyone can do it for differing reasons. Just keep on pumping because you know its best for him and don't count Yale out he may just surprise us all. Just be thankful that you have him and everything else is gravy. Cheer up for you will have him all to yourself soon enough. I think fo you every day you just need to think of the secret and count your blessings and trust that all will be well soon.

Love Mommy

Leigh(LM) said...

Tanna.. I wanted to give you some hope in regards to nursing. My youngest was in NICU for three days after his birth ( nothing compared to you, I realize), and he didn't latch for a MONTH after he was born. But I continued to pump and continued to offer the breast to him. Finally a month later he started latching. It took a good 2 months, after he started latching to get things figured out. IT IS POSSIBLE! Now he is a year old, and still nursing! It CAN be done Tanna! Don't give up !! :)

Leigh(LM) said...

Tanna.. I wanted to give you some hope in regards to nursing. My youngest was in NICU for three days after his birth ( nothing compared to you, I realize), and he didn't latch for a MONTH after he was born. But I continued to pump and continued to offer the breast to him. Finally a month later he started latching. It took a good 2 months, after he started latching to get things figured out. IT IS POSSIBLE! Now he is a year old, and still nursing! It CAN be done Tanna! Don't give up !! :)